


Bucky's journal

by winchesters_impala



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7790254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchesters_impala/pseuds/winchesters_impala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! I know this isn't the greatest but I wrote this during my exams last year.</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

August, 2015

 

Finally... I escaped from that hell hole... What I left behind wasn't pretty though...

 

All I remember is that I went ape shit on everyone and I was used as a fucking sheild by that damned doctor. I remember other things too... Small things... Like Brooklyn, New York... Did I live there? Then there was some skinny blonde kid too... I think his name was Steve? There was some brunette lady...and the train car... I remember falling, like it's clear as day... But why are other things so fucking fuzzy compared to this? I remember the blonde guy reaching out to me, and yelling something. Then the train car shifted... I reached out to the man (Steve?) and I fell... And I heard one word... I don't understand what it meant... But the old me knew though... He yelled a name.. Bucky... Why would he yell that? Why can't I fucking remember?! I want to remember... I need to remember... I should remember...


	2. Chapter 2

August 22, 2015

I still can't remember... It's been weeks and I can't fucking remember! Who the hell is Bucky? Why did that man yell that name? I just want to remember! I don't even feel like this is my body... I remember hurting all those innocent people... But why can't I remember the important things? I didn't understand... I want to remember...


	3. Chapter 3

August 24, 2015

The terror attacks are getting worse... They... I saw the name Bucky again on television... I- I have to leave...


	4. Chapter 4

December 30, 2015

I can't fucking sleep... That doctor still has his way in my head... Why can't I just escape?! There's this voice... One I don't recognize... 

Longing...

Rusted...

Seventeen...

Daybreak...

Furnace...

Nine...

Beign... 

Homecoming...

One...

Freight car...

Woah... What the hell? I don't even remember writing that. That voice... Is it controlling me? Great... Just add it onto my great lists of problems...


	5. Chapter 5

January 2, 2016

The world doesn't understand victims... They automatically label them as criminals... But don't get me wrong, some people deserve that label... Especially those damned idiots from that place I escaped from... But what the world fails to realize is that a villain is just a victim who's story hasn't been told... Somewhere deep down... I feel like I belong in that category... My memories or the little ones that I have... Are starting to fade... I don't want them too... I just want to remember myself... I want to remember me... And that blonde kid.... I just want to remember! 

I don't want to disappoint...

I don't want to feel guilty anymore...

Please, god, let me remember what I lost....


	6. Chapter 6

January 15, 2016

I'm starting to get scared... I could've sworn I went to bed last night... Even though I don't sleep that much anyway... But I woke up in some random city in Russia... People were looking at me all weird too... But I went to a gas station bathroom... And there it was... I was soaked in blood. It wasn't even my blood... I think I might've murdered something... Or worse... I hurt someone.... 

I want Steve... Wait, did I just remember something? I remember a name... It's a generic name... But I also remember Brooklyn too.m. That man at the bridge from the fight... I knew him...

 

I'm finally remembering!   
Hopefully...


	7. Chapter 7

January 20, 2016 

Steve... He's my friend? I thought I didn't have friends... He probably doesn't want to be anymore... After what I done... I understand... But I remember him and we were friends... But we were turned enemies. I had a dream about the fight at the bridge... That wasn't me... That-that was somebody else... Oh my god, I hurt him... I hurt my friend... But something inside of me changed... I saved him and left... Who would leave their friend like that? Especially when they're hurt. The fight... He let me hurt him... Why? He didn't try anything either... He took blow after blow... I wanna find him... I /need/ to find him. Maybe he'll help me remember... But- what if he doesn't want to help me? I just want to know who I am... And I think Steve can help me.


	8. Chapter 8

February 6, 2016 

I-I'm Bucky?! What the hell? The picture of him looks exactly like me. He was born in the year 1925... But how is that possible? I would be dead by now, wouldn't I? He lived in Brooklyn too... Maybe that's why I was having those dreams about it? I read his biography online... It said that he was kidnapped by a nazi agency called hydra. If I'm him... Oh my god... How did I survive all that? Bucky Barnes was tortured, isolated and experimented on... Oh my fuck.. Isolation? What kind of experimentation? I scrolled a little bit past that... I saw myself on the most wanted list... Not just the FBI... It was the overall wanted list in the world... Shit... I'm going to be damned to hell... This is fucking great...


	9. Chapter 9

February 22, 2016

What's happening to me? I blacked out around 5:00 am and woke up at noon... There's no blood anywhere in my general vicinity... So, I guess I didn't hurt anyone, but when I woke up... My hand(s) were shaking, like I just got out of a seizure/ panic attack... What the hell is going on with me? I just want to be normal... Is that to much to ask for?


	10. Chapter 10

February 26, 2016

I got a freaky phone call last night... I think someone reported me to the police... I have to move again... God dammit...


	11. Chapter 11

April 10, 2016

I thought I lost this... It wouldn't be my fault though... I've been on the run for almost a month... And probably will be for a long time... Possibly for the rest of my useless life...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I know this isn't the greatest but I wrote this during my exams last year.


End file.
